Well, at the time when this writing is published I might still be single. I’ve been single for a year and between then and now I’ve been seeing a bunch of new people. To be honest I’m kinda like for being single since I’ve been in a relationship for a quiet long time and I sorta need a break for myself. And those people I’ve met some of them are amazing and some of them are just you know, ‘trash’. I don’t care about calling them trash because they are.
The first thing I enjoyed about being single is I have so much free time and I don’t need to think about another person that involved in my life, besides family issues. I have so much time to think about what I wanna do or what I’m not gonna do without permission from another person. Not that I always asked a permit from my S.O, it’s just I used to ask about some task/choices from my S.O so that there’s no-hit or miss about what I’m going to do, you know just to hear another pov. But then, when I’m single, I need to use my intuition a little bit more frequently, gotta sharpen that brain this time (insert Markiplier’s big brain time meme). And being single is also about knowing what I really want, what I can do with myself, what I can exploit within myself, yup, exploiting myself. Push myself to the limit to know how far is my boundaries. And I gotta admit, after meeting those people and having another pov, well let me pat myself on the back because I realize that I think I learn more about life, people, things, and my own self so much faster than when I’m in a relationship. I stir, I stand my own thoughts even I build my own thoughts without distraction from other people. I wish I realize myself sooner. I was 25 last year so the quarter-life crisis really hit me so fuckin hard, that was the time I made myself crystal clear. I really applaud all of my friend that had been enlightened earlier. I do learn something from them.
I really enjoying myself for being single and I don’t mind being alone. I love being alone actually, I love the time when I don’t get any distraction besides my jobs that interfere with my life. I love spending time alone, spoiled myself with the money I earned, giving somethings to my parents, giving my cats a better life than before, you know giving so much more to my family. One thing I lost when I was in a relationship is time. I lost time with my family and cats. I regret this so much. I know I really had bad time management with life and job before and coming home exhausted not feeling well. Now I work 24/7 from home, I can give my family the time they deserved. And the time I need to seclude myself from this current bad situation.
But being alone and lonely is a very different view. Yes, I love being alone but there are times when I miss human interaction, a deep connection. Yes, I am lonely. See, this is the result of loving being alone, you kinda don’t need other people? No?. Almost spend my time for me so I adjusted my behaviour to some changes. I don’t how know to explain, this is kinda confusing for me too, I admit. Sometimes I need people’s attention and sometimes I don’t. Or that I’m too shy to reach them out first. Yeah, probably that one.
This one behaviour I have about not wanting to bother other people is getting pretty deep actually. Like, I don’t want to bother other person because I don’t wanna get bothered either. So you know vice versa. This is the time when I thought “Am I happy?” because I’m lonely. Sometimes this feeling triggered something inside so I had to call my theraphist (this is another story, I write it back somewhere around Feb this year), but don’t worry I have the issue under controlled and I learn how to coped with it. So yeay to me!
Being alone is awesome, I stand up for myself finally. I learn to bear my burden myself, this is my responsibility. Hey, for you who actually read this post, I wanna tell you that being alone is not that miserable there are actually quite many activities you can discover by yourself, the world is now yours to those of you who are single, explore your entire mind and body when now you have the time, seek through people’s mind for you have endless opportunities waiting ahead, this is your time to grow, this is your time to learn so much more, this is your time to stand up for yourself without no one bothers. Yes, of course sometimes it is hard being alone by yourself but learn from me, if I can cope with myself then you can. If you don’t know what you’re doing, explore everything, you will get there eventually. It takes time but you know it’s better than wasting time with the wrong person. This is your time to learning about your true self, so don’t be afraid of being single. Because one day, when you can rely on yourself, you will realize that this is the most amazing feeling ever. Another great news is you can buy more pint of beers and it’s all yours!
*This post is late published because stupid me forgot to write on day 6.
